I think remakes are shit.
There are exceptions to this rule. There are exceptions to almost every rule. But generally speaking remakes are shit. This is especially true of the current crop of horror movie "re-imaginings" (a phrase so sickeningly condescending and sweet my eyes roll into the back of my head automatically every time I hear it). They are dumbed down versions of the originals with a much louder soundtrack and awkwardly inserted CGI and they are terrible.
A great movie has a perfect confluence of events. The right director, the right actors, the right script, the right amount of money (seems like most of the time with great movies the right amount is "not enough". Take note.), the right tone, the right timing. To remake a movie is to stoop to such a ridiculous, pretentious level that you believe you can duplicate what is essentially a shitload of chance and luck. You cannot do this. You will fail and your movie will be shit. This is like the same person being struck by lightning more than once. Has it happened? Yes. Can you MAKE it happen? No.
BUT IT COULD. Everyone keeps soldiering on with remakes with the same tenacity that people employ when they play the same lottery numbers every week. They keep flushing their money down the toilet and fantasizing about greatness they are never going to achieve because they aren't really doing any work or putting forth any effort.
If you want to be a great director, a great actor, a great movie studio, you have to do more than give someone a dollar to buy the rights to violate their art. You have to GIVE ME SOMETHING. You have to give me part of yourself. Don't tell me you are doing this when what you are really giving me is a pale shadow of that original intimacy. Stop hesitating to make that leap of faith. Stop assuming American audiences are too stupid to read subtitles and attempting to rewrite Japanese scripts CHRIST ALMIGHTY please stop. Everything good will be lost in translation and your movie will be shit. Stop casting kids from the WB because they look good in tank tops, they are terrible. Stop trying to fool me into thinking you've updated this movie when all you've done is write out all of the characterization and inserted some cell phones and laptops, you are not fooling me. Stop slathering everything in a blue wash because you think that makes it look "dark" or "atmospheric". Stop trying to give the monsters and killers contrived motivations, it makes you look like an apologist for criminals and psychopaths.
Or maybe if the best idea you've had recently is "we should remake this movie" you should just stop making movies entirely.
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